(Not) Wordless Wednesday

                             
                     I know today is suppose to be wordless Wednesday, but I would rather write something else.


                     A friend of mine suggested that I should blog about being a single mom, like my theme should be co parenting. I thought it was a good idea, and I may still go that direction, but b/c this is public and I honestly have no idea whose reading this, I'm a little on the fence about talking about personal life things. With that said, I am going to write a pretty personal blog today and it may be the last one I write, but I really wanted to do it.


                     There are 2 songs out right now that literally make my heart hurt to listen to. The first time I heard the first one, I did tear up. It's about kids growing up with parents that are split up. my son doesn't remember his dad and I together, and in a way it hurts me that he doesn't. But on the other hand it makes me glad to know that he doesn't b/c what he would remember wouldn't be good. Right now he sees his dad and I as friends who don't live together. This is normal for him. Even though he sees and knows that his friends have 2 parents that live together, he knows that his parents don't live together and that is OK. He was old enough when I moved out to know what was going on, but I guess now that it's been over a year, he doesn't remember anything else.  It really does still bother me that he is from a broken home, but this song helped me remember that that is okay sometimes. Anyways, this is that song.

                                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FUVdTEQxu8

                     The 2nd song is about a relationship. I love it and it describes my relationship with my son's dad so well it breaks my heart. I tried harder in that relationship, more than I had in any other and it still failed. The song pretty much speaks for itself so I won't go into it too much, but I do wonder where we would be now if he was a better man. If he had put in half the effort that I had could we have been happy? I look at my friends marriages in envy b/c that's what I wanted with him. It just wasn't in the cards I guess. I asked him one day when he saw a happy couple did he think "I want that with Rachel" Or did he think to himself "I want that with someone" when he couldn't answer me I knew our relationship was pretty much over, b/c I knew what my answer was and it wasn't the same as his.

                                     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph9NQ8ASmX4



Sorry for the word vomit, but it's something I wanted to say