Regrets

I had intentions of writing something else today, something positive b/c that's what I want this blog to be, but after getting news about my jeep I can't.

At 31 I wanted my life to be much different. Growing up, I wanted a whole different life than what I ended up with. I wanted a good job, a husband who loves me, 2 kids, the pets, the picket fence, all of it. Instead I work 2 shitty jobs, 1 kid, no husband, completely single, a dumb apartment. The only thing I have accomplished is the animals.


I try really hard not to regret how my life turned out, b/c what does a regret accomplish? Nothing. but sometimes, like today, it's hard. Why did I let people discourage me from going to Va Tech? Why did I give up so easily? Why didn't I take that negativity and use it to prove them wrong? I told my parents I wanted to take a year off after school like a lot of students do, but then I just never went back. Why? Well, b/c I let more people tell me I was too stupid to go.  And when I finally wanted to go back, it was a lot harder and took a lot more will power and I gave up on that too. Now my son keeps asking what I want to be when I grow up to which I have no answer, he tells me he doesn't want to go to college b/c I didn't. I'm drowning in money problems, which I know everyone does, however it doesn't keep me from thinking that if I had gone to college it wouldn't be so bad. My car needs work to have a working a.c. which I deem a necessity when I have a kid in the car. I'm aware that's it not really, but for me it is. I'm now too worried to take my kid to see my dad, or to the amusement park we have passes to b/c that's an hour away. And after walking around a park all day, who wants to get in a car with no a.c., to drive an hour back home. Again, something that wouldn't necessarily be fixed b/c I went to college b/c who has a grand just laying around (okay, actually probably a lot of people but not the point), but it would be nice if it was okay, I can deal with this for 2 weeks until I get a little more money, but now its well fuck, it's going to be a hot summer. I'm behind on EVERY bill, and I am trying to save for Disney in 4 months.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel.